How and When?

I was rummaging through old Linkedin posts and found myself surprised. The thoughts and opinions I shared two or three years ago seemed like they were delivered by a completely different person.

She had so much enthusiasm and passion for the field and all it's potential.

She wanted to relay information that came through books, articles, podcasts, and life to anyone willing to listen.

She was excited to be working with a new startup company that seemed to be delivering therapy with accessibility and relevance.

She believed that her voice counted, and while a mumbler by nature, with enough determination she might find her audience.

This woman believed in best practices like boundaries, framework, thoughtful conceptualization, and above all else, keeping her personal life separate from work.

This woman was me and most of that is still true.

The last couple of years have been transformative - personally and professionally. I don’t believe I am alone in this experience, and that is why I am sharing.

As we age the world around us somehow contracts and expands simultaneously. We have fewer friends, less time, and become more focused on a handful of hobbies, ideas, and people. We also seem to notice more of the world as a whole. I suddenly found myself concerned about the ethical implications of eating octopus - a creature now known to be as intelligent as humans. I also considered microplastics, the changing migration of elephant seals, and the stock market’s effect on the price of eggs.

Time has perceivably sped up and yet the ability to retain new information has slowed down. So, as I rummaged through old blog posts and (in my humble opinion) cheeky quips of the past, I wondered when did I lose my conviction?

How did I transform from an energetic new therapist to feeling like a cog in the machine?

Age has played a factor of course, and then there is life its self - with parenting, relationships, and taxes. I can’t discount the effects of Covid-19 or online everything - certainly I am not the only therapist that finds it difficult to practice their natural empathic nature through two-D cyber emotions.

These are factors of burnout in any field. However, as the years have progressed the one that stands out the most is the disintegration of therapy as an art and science. The overproduced stock pictures and web templates, the exploitation of therapist via Venture Capital and “middle man” software platforms, and of course the misuse of social media as a surrogate for the real emotional labor that is therapy.

I have found myself, like so many others, hypnotized by the algorithms of attachment theory and overgeneralizations parading as personality disorders. The result of these indulgences has been to feel dissuaded from sharing any personal thoughts or opinions. What could I share that hasn’t been posted or repeated ten-fold?

I have contemplated forgoing blogging all together, because no matter my experience or training, my procrastination habits will leave me in the dust as AI mass produces content day in and out.

I have also wondered how long until my schedule becomes more and more sparce as people turn to ChatGPT for instant gratification to their thoughts, questions, and uncertainty.

I’m going to slow this down for you [insert AI humor] – this is not just a developmental transition; it is compounded professional burnout.  

I, along with the rest of society, have been caught in the undercurrent of evolution and swept into a sea of uncertainty and irrelevance. Fighting against the tide has worn my endurance and introduced more cynicism than I care to document.

That is until I returned to something I have always inherently known: people need people. During the Covid lockdown I had a full schedule, and while I would like to tell myself it is because I am a talented therapist, I am more realistic and acknowledge that I was one of the few therapists offering in person sessions. Something about the idea of being in a room with another human was appealing, because we crave, and require human interactions.

It is my strong belief that no matter the power of AI or convivence of 30 second therapy reels, people will continue to desire the one element of therapy that has been empirically proven as effective – a human relationship. A relationship rooted in trust, safety, training, boundaries and ethics, and above all else the exchange of energy that can never be replaced by a machine.

Motivation and enthusiasm are like any other emotion – they wax and wane. The commitment to values is what transports a goal. My commitment has always been to be a witness to someone else’s reality, and to know I have never kept someone stuck and framed it as support. The goal? How can I be of help?